Control freaks
I hate to admit this, but I like being in control. I like knowing what's going on and having a say in the direction we're headed. It's not something that is unbridled and running wild as I dominate everyone within my sphere of influeunce. However, I have to make a concerted effort to relax. I'm not a huge fan of driving as a passenger. When Bek is driving she wants to kill me (even though I feel like she is gonna kill the both of us).
In comes that little voice you hear and love to ignore. It's the voice that I distinctly heard telling me not to buy my Macbook, at which time I promply slid my Visa across the glass in complete defiance. It's that voice where you don't know if it's you or "something else" (maybe God?!) That voice proved to be right when I cracked my screen and just recently re-sold the mac on ebay for $1,000 cheaper than the purchase price just 3 weeks later!
So this morning, I'm on my way out to the van to head off to the bank in an effort to get my line of credit raised when "the voice" speaks up. All I hear/feel is "don't do it". DANG IT! You know what this means don't you? It means I can't be in control (I'm not sure where I got the idea that I was in control by getting thousands of dollars loaned to me by some bank). So I stood by my driver side window, thinking. And in an effort to defy that voice once more, I unlocked the van. At least that's why I attempted to do. Instead, I re-locked it. At this point, I just started laughing (a nervous laugh) and walked back inside.
It's funny how money gives you that sense of control and power. And I guess, in a sense, it's real. You are able to get people to do things they normally wouldn't do when you wave a fat stack of bills in front of their face. (Just look at Fear Factor). This may be why God says that where our treasure lies is where our heart can be found and that it's impossible to serve both God and money. The opposite of serving God is not serving Satan, it's living for money. That's why Jesus says it's harder for a rich man to get into heaven; there's more competing for his allegiance.
So did I pass the test? I don't know. What I do know is that when I let this beast of uncertainty gain ground, I start freaking out. I want something to get me into the drivers seat. I want to call the shots cause I think I'm pretty good at it. (Way to go hotshot!) I doubt I passed the test but I hope I'm in the midst of passing. Because this is God's dream, I think he's getting me to the place where I can't rise to the top and steal the fame. There will be no allstar pastor that is building his own empire because there is nothing to build it with. The only explanation will be "It had to be God!"
This is all God's and I can't wait to see what unfolds (hopefully soon:>)
In comes that little voice you hear and love to ignore. It's the voice that I distinctly heard telling me not to buy my Macbook, at which time I promply slid my Visa across the glass in complete defiance. It's that voice where you don't know if it's you or "something else" (maybe God?!) That voice proved to be right when I cracked my screen and just recently re-sold the mac on ebay for $1,000 cheaper than the purchase price just 3 weeks later!
So this morning, I'm on my way out to the van to head off to the bank in an effort to get my line of credit raised when "the voice" speaks up. All I hear/feel is "don't do it". DANG IT! You know what this means don't you? It means I can't be in control (I'm not sure where I got the idea that I was in control by getting thousands of dollars loaned to me by some bank). So I stood by my driver side window, thinking. And in an effort to defy that voice once more, I unlocked the van. At least that's why I attempted to do. Instead, I re-locked it. At this point, I just started laughing (a nervous laugh) and walked back inside.
It's funny how money gives you that sense of control and power. And I guess, in a sense, it's real. You are able to get people to do things they normally wouldn't do when you wave a fat stack of bills in front of their face. (Just look at Fear Factor). This may be why God says that where our treasure lies is where our heart can be found and that it's impossible to serve both God and money. The opposite of serving God is not serving Satan, it's living for money. That's why Jesus says it's harder for a rich man to get into heaven; there's more competing for his allegiance.
So did I pass the test? I don't know. What I do know is that when I let this beast of uncertainty gain ground, I start freaking out. I want something to get me into the drivers seat. I want to call the shots cause I think I'm pretty good at it. (Way to go hotshot!) I doubt I passed the test but I hope I'm in the midst of passing. Because this is God's dream, I think he's getting me to the place where I can't rise to the top and steal the fame. There will be no allstar pastor that is building his own empire because there is nothing to build it with. The only explanation will be "It had to be God!"
This is all God's and I can't wait to see what unfolds (hopefully soon:>)
