Contagion

Starting this church has been a crazy experience. I don't have control over a whole lot of anything and I'm leaarning that it's the hardest but best place to live. I don't know why but I like to have everything lined up in a nice little row and the ducks march when I say march. I like to try and convince myself otherwise but I'm just fooling myself. But just because this is my tendency doesn't make it right.

God must have an incredible time with control freaks like me. Here he is trying to teach me to rely on Him and that he has my best interest in mind and yet I try to hang on and determine the course of my life. And at this point, I've realized that as hard as I might try, I just can't do it. It also leads to a very boring life of predictability and monotony.

I couldn't control the fact that I desperately wanted to move out to Mission in the summer but our rental deal fell through. I seriously wanted to manipulate the whole situation and find us a new place to live but there were no places available. So my hands were tied and Bek and I just sat and waited, not knowing what on earth we would do. And then we pick up the paper and see this place advertised and the rest is history. I was telling our friends last night that I seriously can't believe how this all worked out. Even though we're renting, this is just inches away from our dream home for a price that is just so low it's rediculous. God probably laughed his head off watching us freak out.

I have no control over the finances of this church. You know what really sucks, is the fact that money doesn't grow on trees. It comes from people. And so here we are, this fresh baby church that is wanting to just stabelize our vital signs but the money is off limits because God is in control. He's in control over when we can get enough money to pay off the sound system (By Dec), how I'm gonna get paid and how we are going to fund our Great Gas Giveaway in Dec. But so often I want to control it and make it happen the way I think it should happen. Do it NOW! The drill sargeant in me comes out and then....I get squashed.

I'm not God. Wow. What a concept. And it's so relieving at the same time That reality helps me to relinquish control and just enjoy the adventure It's freaky at the best of times but it is so much fun! I'm coming to the place of realizing that if this church gets off the ground, it's because God wanted it to happen and he was in it the whole way. If it doesn't, we can at least say we gave it everything that we could have possibly given and that God must have different plans.

The future is so uncertain and yet it's known. I can sleep at night knowing that the God of the universe sees our future and has our best interest in mind, whether that looks good or bad to us.