Shut your face!
Why is it so hard for us to not be defensive? For instance, remember how last week at our Sunday Gathering that I was insensitive and probably one of the hardest people to be married to? Well, I came through on that statement about 1 hour after I said it!
Sunday was Bek's Birthday. (see where this is going?) On Sunday afternoons I'm super stinkin' wasted and just want to eat and have a nap. No I didn't forget her birthday, but I forgot to say Happy Birthday as soon as I got home (okay, it was around 5-10 mins and I still hadn't said it - but I didn't forget!). For me, this is a little thing. I could care less if people said happy birthday to me...just give me money:) But for Bek, this is huge and I screwed up. It's all over now and we like each other again so there is nothing to be worried about:)
But what I found disturbing was the fact that I needed to have an excuse or 10 so that I felt better about screwing up. It was incredibly hard to just sit there and take like a man (I tried but it got the better of me) I couldn't just own up to it and accept the fact of the situation.
I think about Jesus when he was being accused of blasphemy and his accusers asked him multiple times if he was God...and he stayed silent. He didn't defend himself. He didn't try to get out of it. He knew what had to happen and he took it.
I've got a long way to go. I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be but I can't use that as an excuse either. When it comes to TXC, I admit, I have a tendency to defend it like a father defends his son when someone else is getting angry at him. I feel like God has given me a huge responsibility by giving me this vision and when someone tries to jack it, my defensive tendencies come out. And it's not that defending the vision is a bad thing (because we won't just change our direction if someone thinks it should be different), I think it's how it's defended that becomes the issue. Do I freak out? Do I degrade the person in disagreement? Or do I gently remind them about what our primary mission is without stepping over those boundaries?
It's a tough thing to learn but I have to learn it. Because it's guaranteed that there are going to be critics who think we're this or that and it's at that point that I have to learn to be silent.
I'm sure my wife will appreciate this lesson learned too!
Sunday was Bek's Birthday. (see where this is going?) On Sunday afternoons I'm super stinkin' wasted and just want to eat and have a nap. No I didn't forget her birthday, but I forgot to say Happy Birthday as soon as I got home (okay, it was around 5-10 mins and I still hadn't said it - but I didn't forget!). For me, this is a little thing. I could care less if people said happy birthday to me...just give me money:) But for Bek, this is huge and I screwed up. It's all over now and we like each other again so there is nothing to be worried about:)
But what I found disturbing was the fact that I needed to have an excuse or 10 so that I felt better about screwing up. It was incredibly hard to just sit there and take like a man (I tried but it got the better of me) I couldn't just own up to it and accept the fact of the situation.
I think about Jesus when he was being accused of blasphemy and his accusers asked him multiple times if he was God...and he stayed silent. He didn't defend himself. He didn't try to get out of it. He knew what had to happen and he took it.
I've got a long way to go. I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be but I can't use that as an excuse either. When it comes to TXC, I admit, I have a tendency to defend it like a father defends his son when someone else is getting angry at him. I feel like God has given me a huge responsibility by giving me this vision and when someone tries to jack it, my defensive tendencies come out. And it's not that defending the vision is a bad thing (because we won't just change our direction if someone thinks it should be different), I think it's how it's defended that becomes the issue. Do I freak out? Do I degrade the person in disagreement? Or do I gently remind them about what our primary mission is without stepping over those boundaries?
It's a tough thing to learn but I have to learn it. Because it's guaranteed that there are going to be critics who think we're this or that and it's at that point that I have to learn to be silent.
I'm sure my wife will appreciate this lesson learned too!
You have a good thing going on at tXc, Just what Mission needs. Not sure why you need to defend it. Just do it, God gave this to you, go with it, stop trying to bring out the differences of what you experienced in the past and what you are trying to build. No need to compare or anything. You can be real and honest and teach without defense if you are preaching the Truth!
and Happy Birthday to your wife!
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1:33 PM