Funny night
Last night was one of those nights. Every so often I have periods of time where I can feel/sense the spiritual war going on around me. I get kind of depressed and start thinking about what all the people in my city are doing with their lives. And that usually leads to a feeling of being alone and hopeless. The whole thing is quite depressing actually. It's like I take on the weight of what someone who doesn't know Jesus would feel. I'm sure this whole financial thing was in there somewhere too.
So I just went out on the picnic table and prayed. In these times I don't know what else to do. And usually my prayers are quite lame because I don't know what to pray either. But in the stillness of the cool night I heard God say, "It's okay. I've got you where I want you". Man, that's just what I need to hear. When I think I'm going insane and I have no control over anything, to be reminded that I am a part of a larger dream than I can ever fully know is relieving.
I think I like to try and figure God out. I like having answers - probaly because it gives me control. But the more I realize who God is, the more I realize that I can't fully know Him. And that's a good thing. If I could fully know Him, He wouldn't be that big of a God. It's that mystery that motivates me to keep searching. It's His gradueur that makes me okay with the fact that I don't have the answers I think I need.
