The discipline of self-awareness
Here are some of my highlights of the chapter 'The discipline of self-awareness' from "Practicing Greatness", the book we are going through as a lead team.
The discipline of self-awareness
As I read this chapter, there was a lot of stuff that jumped out at me and challenged me to keep moving forward in who I am as a leader. There wasn't a lot of areas that I would say were totally me, but I could pull different elements from lots of them and apply them to my life. It was a good wake up call. The hard part is that this is only chapter 1!
The discipline of self-awareness
- The single most important piece of information a leaders possesses is self awareness...includes self-knowledge (knowing who you are), self-mindfulness (understanding your motives for doing what you do), self-vigilance (knowing what makes you tick and what ticks you off!), self-consciousness (knowing how you come across to others), and self-alertness (maintaining your emotional, physical and spiritual condition)
- Great leaders who know themselves know what they bring to the table in terms of talent and abilities. They also know what they don't know...
- Digging into who you are
- Your family of origin.
- Know where you came from. What were your relationships with your family like. How are those relationships affecting who you are today
- Your blessing
- Where you blessed as a child? Did your parents approve of you or were you always "not good enough". Many times if we weren't blessed, we will work our tails off in order to get the blessing of our peers. We may rebel against those who are in authority over us because of harbored anger we hold towards our parents.
- Your Boundaries
- Compliants
- People walk all over them. They can't say no. They don't want to "hurt other's feelings". They tend to give in and seeth because of lost time and energy. People with a high need for approval from others are especially susceptible to compliance issues.
- Avoidants
- They shut the gate when they should let others in. Verbal gate shutting, creating emotional distance and even withdrawing. Leaders with this boundary problem usually end up lonely and isolated. this is a tough issue to overcome and usually requires some close friends who are willing to take the time necessary to bring the person out.
- Controllers
- Don't respect other's boundaries. Aggressive controllers bull their way around. They tell people how to think and live. Passive controllers use guilt and manipulation.
- Non-responsives
- Don't respond to others' needs or problems.
- Personal markers that shape who a leader has become
- The Call
- Great leaders can detail their call. They know that they aren't doing this just because they want to. They feel it deep inside and can't escape it.
- God-given talent
- Great leaders understand that they have been called, not in spite of who they are but because of who they are. They understand their talents and they work within them. They understand where their gifts have come from, God.
- The Dark side of being a leader
- Compulsive leaders - need absolute order. Their organization reflects directly on them. Status conscious. Often angry, rebellious and critic of themselves and others.
- Narcissistic Leaders - view anyone elses' achievements as threats. No accomplishment with fill their need for affirmation. They use other people to further their own ambitions.
- Paranoid Leaders - Suspicious of others and are guarded in their relationships. They over react to criticism. Develop a type of "spy network" to gather info that helps them stay in power.
- Codependent leaders - Have a schedule that is overloaded and out of control with other peoples' needs. They often minister to others in order to feed their own need to be needed. This can lead to burnout.
- Passive-Aggressive leaders - resist others' demands by procrastinating and being stubborn and forgetful. Blame their failures on others' lack of support. Can be irritable and impatient, they create an unstable environment in which people are on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
- The price of lack of self awareness
- Hollow leaders - no sense of self that works for the expectations of others. Just play the role of being a leader.
- Self-absorbed leaders - Unaware of others' needs. It's all about them. How they are being treated, how they are affected, how they look and how they are responding. They minister to others to get their own needs met, still in search of self.
As I read this chapter, there was a lot of stuff that jumped out at me and challenged me to keep moving forward in who I am as a leader. There wasn't a lot of areas that I would say were totally me, but I could pull different elements from lots of them and apply them to my life. It was a good wake up call. The hard part is that this is only chapter 1!
Dear Dan,
just wanted to share that i have some concerns about the whole notion of the "self awareness" thing. i'm writing this not to burst your bubble but to add some caution. the "self awareness" movement hmmm let me look back at my living through the 60-70's Christianese.
i recall that it started as a movement in philosophy and social psychology out of the 60's with a whole huge dose of eastern mysticism and metaphysics. it was called self realization movement. it had no basis in God but only in celebrating the self without God. there was a lot of navel gazing and trying to get in touch with self through meditation.
having done counseling for years i have found the self indulgent self awareness movement nothing more than narcissism. the focus changes from Him alone to us.
not trying to sound harsh but our whole understanding of ourself should be based on God alone and not just what he will do for us except for what He has done for us on the cross. our self image is based on Him alone and not our understanding of our self. it is based on His Word of who we are and our total depravity without Him. otherwise what you are dealing with is idolatry. it becomes so self focussed and self serving. we become so self focussed we either reduce our world to that of our own making or we fall pray to fears of outside standards that we can never measure up to.
make no mistake we need to be careful in defining our role in service for Christ outside of that context. we need to be gentle and careful as to show people their total dependency on Christ.
your bro in Jesus,
Bear
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:59 PM
Yep, I agree with your concerns. We talked about this last night at our lead team meeting. I can see the danger of going so far into it that we get lost in ourselves. At the same time, I don't find any harm in knowing who God made you to be and even knowing where your strengths and weaknesses are as a leader. I think it's good to know why you act/react certain ways in different situations..maybe knowing those things makes it easier in submitting them to Christ because you know what you are submitting. Thanks for the caution and we will be sure not to go too far down that road.
Posted by
Dan Richardson |
3:02 PM
Danoh, i totally get your heart. thanks for the caution too. people do need to feel safe to explore their strengths and have them made available to Jesus and that is your focus which is admirable. just as long as its how God views us. i've seen the whole psychology of self as a huge detriment to the body of Christ that it brings us to believe that we are better than we are without the focus of Christ. the longer i'm a believer the more i feel i don't know myself and that Christ knows me better than i ever will and makes me utterly dependant upon His understanding and His alone. then all the praise for success etc is His alone. its His kingdom we are helping to build and not ours. but i appreciate your heart and your leadership's wanting to pursue understanding their gifting and service.
bear
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:19 PM