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Wednesday, May 30, 2007 

I'm sorry

You know...some days I love technology...other days I hate it with a passion. Today I hate it. I have two blogs...one is public and it's just where I'm at in a public kind of way...if that makes any sense at all. The other is private...well at least that's what I thought it was. It's just kind of a journal of where I'm at personally...in private kind of way. I don't post in it near as much as I should but last week I posted something that was eating me up inside, thinking that the only person that could ever read it was me...the guy with the password that no one else has.

Well, today I found out that either I made a HUGE mistake and didn't enable the "private" feature or blogger screwed up (they let you choose if you want it private or public...I checked private when I made it) and won't let me make it private. Nonetheless, I posted something that had names of people, something that I would NEVER make public if I knew it was going public because that's just nasty and has huge potential to hurt the people involved...but this was public. And I can't get out of it. It was there for the whole world to see and I risked these people's relationship with me, God and each other. And to be honest, I feel sick. This isn't meant to invoke guilt or anything like that...it's a public confession so that for anyone that happened to read that post knows that I was wrong. And I do really believe that. I made some harsh judgments and stereotypes that a pastor just shouldn't make. I was just flat out wrong. The fact that I thought those things makes me angry.

So I know you're probably sick of hearing this, but I'm sorry. I really am. I know you've already forgiven me but I gotta get this out publicly. You know who you are. I'm sorry.

Didn't read the blog, but in a weird way maybe these kind of things happen to point out areas in our lives where we need correction.
Regardless, proud of you for admitting it and apologizing.
Jil

Ya, I agree. I definitely needed correction. What really sucks is the fact that they had to be the ones that got hurt to reveal my need for correction. I wish that I could have figured it out without this happening cause hurting people when the intention was NEVER to do that just flat out sucks.

If God were to look into my heart and reveal everything I thought to everyone all the time many people would be hurt and I would have no friends. Thank God He doesn't blog my thoughts!

I guess you could equate your issue to someone reading your diary at a time when you were at a personal low on being in the right space... Reality is we are all there, we just dont blog about it publically. After reading your public apology, I can't imagine the people would not have the grace to forgive and understand the circumstance. Maybe this was the next step to you affirming what this church said it was meant to be built on from the beginning, a way of pulling you back to the roots of the project.

Regardless, I think being as humble as you are being is a step in the right direction. Takes courage.

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