faith
I think Christians talk about faith as if it's this lovey dovey type thing; like there is nothing hard about it. "Just have faith".
I have never had to have as much faith in God as I do right now. It seems like my whole life is lying in the balance of God's provision and if he doesn't come through, I'm hooped.
And as far as I can tell there is nothing lovey dovey or comfortable about it. It's tense. It's mysterious. It strips me of all control and to tell you the truth, this drives me nuts some days. The future is uncertain and I feel extremely vulnerable.
The funny thing about it is that I wouldn't have it any other way. It sucks sometimes cause I'd like to be able to have some certainty in my life, but I still would trade it. The way I see it is that I've got two choices: Faith or comfort. I've seen the destruction that comfort can do in a Christians' life. It leaves wakes of disaster as they sit in a world of selfishness and regret. I could choose that. I've done it before and I can't let it happen again. I have to risk. I have to trust. I have to be oedient. I have to blaze a new trail. tI have to step into the unknown and see a story unfold that no one has ever seen before because only I can unleash it. It's not comfortable but as far as I can tell, it's the only place where life is meant to be lived.
